MDS (PG 13)

I don't know how to begin telling you this... but, since I am not yet ready for what happened yesterday afternoon, I might as well told you what happened this afternoon.

After I woke up, my psychiatrist called and I said I was going to be fine for at least a day or 2 before upping the meds.

Well, I woke up after about 10-12 hours rest and went resting under the life at large.

Well, I was expecting myself to be even more psychotic than the day before.

However, based on my estimation of my mental state as of the point of the call of my psychiatrist, I seemed to have to come back to the normal state of being psychotic.

Then, after all the resting with the help of the sun, the birds, nature and life in general, I went to the statistics class of multidimensional modeling and cluster analyses.

I went to the class, expecting myself to be an ordinary psychotic, and, I found myself sitting through the class, understanding what I am supposed to understand, and, coming out of the class--- not able to help myself cursing out.... what is the fuck with me... so wrong that I can't even be normally abnormal.....

How could I be so very psychotic the day before while sitting through an MDS class understanding what the professor was trying to teach us?

I tried to be in peace with it... I tried to calm myself down despite of the hypotheses of those things you call dorsal horn reorganization or neuroreorganization.

Then, when I was sitting on the bench in the middle of Broadway, I realized that...

I am only human.

I have to react.

I am going to think of all things no good to get myself back to be the ordinary grade of abnormality...

Bad things I could think of... maybe findings some guys on the street to have a one night stand (not saying there is anything wrong about it)... or etc... I don't know...

Then, I realized that... these are not the things I want to do and what I was afraid of was to do harm to other people with my own thoughts.... the worse thing I could think of without imposing anything harmful to the others was to be thinking about shit... lol

So, hopefully this is not going to make me become obsessive compulsive about shit, but, since shit happens for a reason, I started thinking my head the different kinds of shapes of shits.... and including the implications of local minimum and maximum on shits.

Then, I felt a sense of relief for, I felt, at least, I am sharing real shits and their multiple manifestation with people to break myself from the implications of the client-server model--- regardless whether it is true... lol

So, hopefully this is not going to make me become obsessive compulsive about shit, but, since shit happens for a reason, I started thinking my head the different kinds of shapes of shits.... and including the implications of local minimum and maximum on shits.

Then, I felt a sense of relief for, I felt, at least, I am sharing real shits and their multiple manifestation with people to break myself from the implications of the client-server model--- regardless whether it is true... lol


If what you want me to talk about is sex... just let me know and I could even go and do some empirical research for you concerning either men or women upon request except for I gotta leave it till later since it is time for me to go nite nite... lol